To all you hopefully friendly and curious people ,
My New Year's resolution was to share my Journey through tantra. I'm a gorgeous 48 yrs young on Sunday and – “omg” - life has changed …
I was sexually abused as a young girl and couldn't wait to get away from home. I left when I was 16 years old, and I thought I knew it all. I didn't have any formal qualifications and worked as a waitress in a bistro bar. I had a boyfriend whom I met at school. We were childhood sweet hearts. Before I knew it I was sharing a flat. I was pregnant when I was 21 years old but still thought the world was mine, in the palm of my hand. Sadly the rose-coloured spectacles started to fail: my partner became physically violent, wouldn't work, constantly gambled and drank to excess. This continued for sometime and I fell pregnant with my second child, time went by but sadly, there were no positive changes. I decided I needed to gain some control and took on a cleaning job at the local teaching hospital. This motivated me further, to move forwards and train to be a nurse. Other than the ‘not so nice’ times at home, this was a very positive and happy time in my life; I worshipped my daughters but did struggle with working full time and trying to bring them up. The domestic violence increased and I felt there was no alternative but to move away with my daughters.
Life moved on, I was happy bringing my daughters up, I remarried but sadly that failed, with my daughters all grown up and me back to where I started. I didn't feel loved by a man, I couldn't understand why all this had happened.
In my heart I know I'm not an academic person but I believe I seek the best in everybody and always try to make a difference. I needed to sort this out in my head so I turned to the Well Woman's Centre and tried various holistic treatments, which led me down the path of re-training, to be a beauty therapist. I worked as support worker for people with acquired head injuries and slowly built up my own beauty business.
My health deteriorated and I made the decision to cut the long shifts and dedicate my time to working for myself. I reinvented myself, advertising my holistic treatments, massage and beauty.
One day I got a call from a man asking me if I did a Tantric massage.
A little naive and green, my answer was: “No. I'm sorry, I’ve never heard of it. Anyway after a long chat and mutual connection he booked with me for a Swedish body massage and we got chatting about the (to me) unknown world of Tantra.
So from little girl to full time mum, cook, cleaner and everything else, I had a life changing transformation into a nervous little butterfly. I have always been a spiritual person, blessed with a natural healing gift and believe a body is just a body to me, but couldn't come to grips with the world of Tantra. I was popular, and always busy with work. Reflecting back it seems quite funny: there was I, on presentation wearing the full beauty therapists uniform, crisp white tunic and trousers, and my clients faces – well, what a picture. This went on for some time and everyday I would wake up and look at my diary and feel physically sick, the vulnerability of it was driving me crazy.
It was time for metamorphosis.
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